It was a few weeks ago that I felt sucker punched to oblivion by an event. I had a call with my team. It was late at night, and I had decided to state my opinion about where in my well-researched and expert opinion, we should directionally take the project. There was a disagreement, voices were raised, things were said, and by the end of the call, I was shaken to my core. TKO, shut it all down, crawl-back-to-my-womancave-for-life shaken. All I could feel was an overwhelming sense of “this is not what I signed up for;” not only were my feelings hurt, it was a triggering conversation to the highest degree.

And all I could do or felt like doing was hitting pause. It’s not even an exaggeration to say that in the ensuing weeks, I mourned for the woman before that call. No joke, I’ve had a migraine every week since. And my migraines are multiple day affairs that I need to sleep off and leave me emotionally drained and physically exhausted. I decided then that I would take as much time as I needed to parse my emotions and reactions before I would then chart my next steps.

Whether it’s in your romantic relationship, work and career, friendships, money, or your internal states, hitting an impasse in your life can be discombobulating, deeply upsetting, even incapacitating and downright scary.

The best part and the worst part is, “stuck” is a feeling that you create or co-create.

Maybe you haven’t found the love of your life because of how your father was never around and you didn’t start learning how to value yourself until late into adulthood. Maybe you’re perpetually disappointed by your life’s offerings because of your mom’s constant barrage of put-downs. I hear you, and it 100% sucks that you have been so affected by your earliest experiences in life. Be proud of yourself that you are at the point of awareness of the sources behind your automated reactions and feelings – this means you’re halfway out of the tunnel. Now that you’re an adult bestowed with all the powers to change your circumstances, isn’t it wonderful that right now, you can decide to alter your relationship to those aspects in your life?

(1) Decide to take the time you need to take for yourself, and plan for it.
Do you think you’ll need a week? A month, or more? Rearrange your schedule so that you have the time you need. Be sure to keep any engagements that you absolutely love and enjoy going to, and put everything else on hold. Then make a plan and write down the questions that you have, and structure the

(2) Ask yourself: what were series of life experiences that led to your feeling and reacting this way?
A psychology classic in this day and age, knowing where your reactions and emotions to various scenarios were formed are important.Was it in your childhood? In college? Was it something your grandmother said once that sticks out in your memory? Here are a couple of good lists of triggers and common human fears to start with to assess when you’re most affected and what might be stopping you, which can then lead you to the root of where, when, and how they were formed.

(3) Reach internally to soothe your inner child.
I firmly believe that even though we are G.A.A. (grown ass adults), we still have inner children that need love, attention, support, and care representing our most basic emotional and psychological needs. Tell your inner child that it’s okay that you feel this way, that you’re sorry this happened, and to be patient with yourself while you find the solution to this issue.

(4) Before you file it away under “not my issue/wrongdoing/responsibility,” ask yourself what your contribution to your current circumstance was.
It’s important to gain self-awareness from all angles. Beyond the roots of why you feel you are an impasse, be open to the possibility that your subconscious reactions or intentions, and the way you chose to show up in a particular situation may have added to the straw that’s now breaking the camel’s back. Did you lash out because you felt offended by what someone said, whether intentionally or not? Were you secretly not that interested in a love interest, causing you to communicate in ways that made them feel devalued and seek love and affection elsewhere? It’s OK if you discover something about yourself here. If you think about it, admitting and taking responsibility for your piece of what happened is not easy, and a pretty powerful and strong thing to do.

(5) Do things that have always brought you pure, honest joy. 
What have you always liked doing, even as a kid, that you still enjoy doing? If you want to say that you like drinking and partying till the sun comes up, I suggest you pick different activities. For me, I love reading, writing, and singing. Nothing is purer to me that those things. I also like watching my favorite comedy TV shows or stand-up comics because laughing generally puts me (and anyone who’s human) in a good mood. It’s always important to connect to a joyous side of you. This is an extension of the “soothing your inner child” part of it.

(6) Work out + Meditate.
Whether it’s lifting weights of doing yoga, working out will help keep you focused on your body and the present moment. If you can add meditation to your routine, it’ll rev up the power of staying in the present. The practice presence of mind allows for anxieties and worries to be minimized and keep you focused on what you must achieve right now or today. There is no reason to worry about not finding your perfect job if you’re in the present moment and you can’t be transported to a future moment in time.

(7) Every day, gather a list of easy-to-check-off things to do about your current impasse, do them, and create a new list to work on every day.
xxx

(8) Ask yourself if you have done everything you can in your power to affect the changes in yourself and increase potential options. Then leave the rest to chance. 
xxx