As we make our way to The Grove on a Saturday afternoon, I take note of the tchotchkes and things strewn around Alvina’s black VW Jetta – plastic Minions toys; a tiny perfume bottle; black knitted sneakers; her tan Kate Spade purse; a gray laptop bag. She tells me she went to her SoulCycle class after work last night, intends on getting a workout in and running errands early Sunday morning, and has dance practice on Sunday night. We can hang out in the hours between, she says.
There are psyches easily deconstructed from the outside. Alvina’s is not. Each delectable layer of her puff pastry personality takes years to flake off into clarity and uncover. I remain in awe that she went from no formal dance training to joining one of the best hip-hop dance crews in the country, and since then, has gone on to dancing part-time while building her career in HR/Talent Acquisition. She is delightfully childlike and mature; gentle and forceful; circumspect and energetic. I am blessed to call her my sister.
Of all her strengths, there are two that astound me the most: her grit, and her ability to read the room and respond in appropriate manners and actions that any situation my call on, while preserving goodwill towards her.
Check out our 6-question interview below:
1. How can you best describe the way you read any situation that needs addressing, and what typically guides your response?
When I read a situation, I love to focus on a few things: micro-expressions, body language, and the energy of the room and the people in it. It’s important to me to read the environment, to be able to check my own energy and how it might be affecting the way I show up in a situation. What guides my response is an amalgamation of the aforementioned factors, in addition to a quick pulse-check of how others’ days might have been like. There are times when people are so sure of how they will go into a conversation with a certain tone or intent, but it is more important to know your audience and read the room before imposing your own tone/intent into the conversation. I know that setting my own intent prior to a situation or conversation is inevitable, but I always try to read the room and energy first before I decide whether or not my original intent is necessary.
2- What do you consider to be your most essential life skill?
Empathy.
3- How did you build that skill?
Consistently practicing the art and habit of stepping out of myself and into someone else. Our natural instinct is understandably to react based on our own paradigm and script, but taking pause to consider what has caused the person you are speaking with to get to this point helps build a relationship that, I find to be more beneficial to both parties if nourished, rather than if I were to react with only myself in mind.
4- When you find yourself in a rut, what steps do you take to get out?
My visceral reaction is to work out – usually something with heavy cardio or high intensity. Dancing it out with earphones on in my apartment helps as well. I also like determining the root cause of the rut I am in by backtracking through my conscious thoughts – once I reach a thought that triggers dissonance or discomfort internally, I linger on it, mentally unfolding the situation in my head, and figuring out why I may be bothered by it. Then I remind myself that I am the only one allowing it to affect me and thus, I am the only one who can step out of that thinking. If I am unable to reach any conclusion about the rut, I sleep on it and revisit it the next day, closely paying attention to what I still feel from the day before, and what feelings have dissipated. More often than not, the internal work I did the previous day dissipates most of my initial reaction.
5- What are the most important mental or physical habits do you maintain for your life/work?
Working out every day gives me the mental clarity I need for work and the internal balance I need to stay positive amidst life and work’s stresses. Dancing is also an amazing release because during practice or class, you are focused on something else with the entirety of your being for 1-4 hours. Stepping away from any mental blockage for an interlude of stress relief allows you to revisit a situation with a different perspective.
As for mental habits, perhaps it’s my need for control, but I always enjoy thinking a few steps ahead. I try to anticipate what might unfold in any situation based on my observation/understanding of the people I interact or work with, and I try to anticipate what will be expected of me, or what might unfold. That way, if I anticipate a situation might upset me, I check my mood before I react real-time.
6- What is the most important life lesson you have learned to date?
This is actually something I’ve come to understand, first initiated by my sister, and further reinforced by some of the best leaders I’ve known at my company: everyone has their own truth. What you know to be true isn’t necessary what others know to be true, and what others know to be true is warranted, because it is “their” truth. You can’t change the way someone reacts to a situation, or the way someone behaves, so if I find myself in a situation where there is a difference of opinion, I try to keep this lesson in mind and respond through an empathetic lens.
7. Nominate a friend! Of your friends, who would you want to ask these questions to, and what would be your first question to them?
Sean Miura. Aside from my sister, he is someone I know to have unspeakable depth of character. I am always in awe of and will always respect how much he cares about so much and how much he actively supports the idea of ‘community’. My first question to him would be: “Given how much time you give to the community with Tuesday Night Cafe and your involvement with other causes, how do you determine where your love for community and activism ends and your love for yourself begins?”
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